For the few of you that follow my blog of career flops, economic woe, and frustration I would like to thank you for letting me vent for the past few years. I'm happy to say I may have figured it all out. For the first time in a long time I feel hopeful and excited about the future instead of feeling crushing anxiety. Now that I am married, single friends ask me "Well how did you know he was the one?" and when you know - when the answer is right in front of you - its not a leap of faith. It is a logical continuation of something you innately feel works. Perhaps that doesn't sound romantic but it is: its something that comes so natural you don't question it. Finding my mate was simply a matter of recognizing a good fit.
A "good fit" is surely an oversimplification and I do not mean to infer that when you meet the right person everything is then easy. But recognizing when something in your life works well is not as effortless as it sounds. Perhaps it's my stubborn nature, but looking back over my array or jobs the last five years I can see a pattern of trying to make a job work that I wasn't cut out for. Not to say I wasn't good at it, but it may have not been challenging enough or I found I was putting in enormous effort and getting nothing in return. I also have a problem with inefficiency. When I see it and I am not given the tools or authority to fix it I go crazy. We work so hard to make things easier right? To make money and manage tasks as smoothly as possible? So why do we put up with broken systems or processes that make our life harder when we are capable of changing what's wrong? It's trying to pound the proverbial square peg into a round hole. And I am so done with the square peg.
So I have decided to scrap what doesn't work in my life. I have found that working for corporations is not for me. I cannot abide by rules that are unethical, illogical, or exist for the sake of existing. If you see a problem, you fix it in a reasonable amount of time. People are living, breathing, and thinking organisms - they are not a legion of robot slaves that punch in and punch out on command. Human beings, like the rest of the natural world, are constantly evolving and over coming obstacles to be better than we were yesterday. Sitting at a cubicle day after day with a set of problems that never change is not evolution, it's a recipe for misery and a stagnation of your strengths.
After many years of trying to make myself become a good worker bee I have rejected the hive. I have decided to focus on what I am good at and offer my expertise as a freelancer. This means I pick my projects, I use my proficiency in ways that best benefit me, and I have the freedom to use my time as I see fit. No more waiting for the clock to hit 6 pm with nothing to do. My time is valuable and I choose to spend it in ways where I advance the best. My accomplishments do not go into the pocket of some CEO that doesn't know my name.
It hasn't been a cake walk. Starting your own company is stressful. Small businesses do have their pitfalls. Clients don't magically appear wanting to hand you money. But I'm figuring all this out and I feel good about myself and what I am doing. I work on projects I actually enjoy. My commute is to the kitchen in the morning and then to my home office in the room across from my bed room. I have time to fix a nice dinner from scratch while I do research and write articles. I get to spend more time with my beloved Akita who is getting up in years. It is true: Life is what you make it. And I am creating my life how I see fit. Never again will I force myself into a structure that doesn't suit me.
Showing posts with label unemployment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label unemployment. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Occupy Oakland, No Matter What
At a pre-dawn raid this morning protesters were met with tear gas and flash grenades. How could this be necessary? What kind of country are we becoming?
When I think of tear gas, police batons, and rubber bullets I think of Selma, Mississippi, Kent State University, and the 1968 Democratic National Convention. Some things never change. What is changing is that for the first time it has become so apparent that the 1% are willing to subject us to violence if we don't tow their line. It is happening more and more that protesters are getting arrested, beaten, etc in the past couple weeks. What length will the 1% go to to squash its opposition? Will we have another Tienanmen Square on our hands?
This class war that the conservatives so vehemently deny exists, its here. It is on our doorstep and it is time for this country to define itself as we truly are and not by the 1%'s propaganda. I want to live in an America that exists for all people, not just for the privileged. I've had enough of them telling me what to think on TV, and who to vote for. I will not accept under-funding public education or their lies about the tax code. The people determine the direction of this country. It's time we all remembered that.
When I think of tear gas, police batons, and rubber bullets I think of Selma, Mississippi, Kent State University, and the 1968 Democratic National Convention. Some things never change. What is changing is that for the first time it has become so apparent that the 1% are willing to subject us to violence if we don't tow their line. It is happening more and more that protesters are getting arrested, beaten, etc in the past couple weeks. What length will the 1% go to to squash its opposition? Will we have another Tienanmen Square on our hands?
This class war that the conservatives so vehemently deny exists, its here. It is on our doorstep and it is time for this country to define itself as we truly are and not by the 1%'s propaganda. I want to live in an America that exists for all people, not just for the privileged. I've had enough of them telling me what to think on TV, and who to vote for. I will not accept under-funding public education or their lies about the tax code. The people determine the direction of this country. It's time we all remembered that.
Monday, October 17, 2011
It's Not My Fault. Right?
One of the hindrances I face getting a job is my resume. More specifically my job history. One year here, six months there, its horrible. I wouldn't put it on the top of my stack of prospects if it came across my desk. It's not my fault, its a good run of bad luck. But how do you convey that to a prospective employer without sounding like a sob story?
In the summer of 2007, I landed my dream job: Data Manager for one of the largest Meals on Wheels in the country. I finally got my break and got out of retail, which I had been doing for nine years while in high school and college. I found that I was quite skilled at number crunching, conducting data integrity analysis, hitting deadlines early, and not losing sight of the big picture. That big picture being that if the monthly reporting had errors in it, the county could cite us, citations led to loss of funding, and that would result in 3,000 impoverished senior citizens not being able to eat every day. I took my job very seriously.
Unfortunately, I had to resign after a year. At the time, I was engaged to a veteran of the Iraq War. He came home from the Middle East with a serious case of PTSD. His condition caused him to abuse alcohol and ultimately physically abuse me. So in order to protect myself, I resigned from my position and moved to another city so he couldn't find me. I knew I had a great thing going at Meals on Wheels, but I had to get away for my own safety. It was a very scary time.
Fortunately, I landed another job in the non-profit sector within three days of moving here to San Antonio. What great luck. My new position was as a union organizer for a very large labor union. Since I had studied labor unions in a class called the Politics of the Middle Class in college, I was thrilled and jumped at the chance. I learned more about life there than I had ever before. This time I was not behind a desk, but working in the field talking to workers, encouraging them to fight for their rights in jobs where they had no say in what was going on. These workers weren't asking for anything unreasonable. They wanted affordable healthcare for themselves and their families, a fair system of getting raises (there was a lot of nepotism going on), and the right to sit down with their management to discuss the dangers of their jobs to find solutions that would make their jobs safer.
They weren't asking a lot, but to their management it as like asking for the moon. It took a lot of work, a lot of early morning site visits to talk to workers, late night phone calls to discuss how to better their situation, and a lot of boldness on my part. It's difficult to empower a group of people that had been put down in their jobs for decades. Convincing people that had lost all hope that they could make a difference was a challenge. But in the end, the workers came together and were able to save 1/3 of the jobs on the chopping block by asking the company to find these workers jobs in other sector of the company. It was a great win for all of us. When this campaign was coming to a close, however, I was asked to relocate to California, a state that had lots of unions. Texas does not. Not only did I want to continue to fight for workers rights in a place that was so deprived of solutions, I didn't want to leave this city I felt safe in. My family lives here, and having been through such a scary personal ordeal not even six months passed yet, I still needed their support. So I turned down the relocation.
This took place in the beginning of 2009. I started my job search looking for more non-profit work. I couldn't find anything. In fact, the exact same position I had with Meals on Wheels (MOW are all independently run, there is no umbrella organization) was open in San Antonio. But now they required a graduate degree. I hadn't even completed my bachelor's when I was hired as Data Manager before. So I lowered my expectations. I found a recruiting job with a small, family owned employment agency. The pay was considerably lower, but I was happy to be helping people find work. It didn't last long however, the economy had really taken it's toll on the company and I was let go after a month. It was a sad parting, the owner was even in tears when she told me they just couldn't afford me at that time and I really had respect for them. They were great to work for.
So, there I was again on the prowl for a new job. Two weeks later I was hired at the only locally owned hotel in the city as a front desk agent and was quickly promoted to Revenue Manager. My pay was low, but if I could hit my revenue goals I could make a good commission to make up for it. But the economy was sinking lower and no one was going on vacation and business were cutting back on going to conventions. I did not get one single commission check. Having been told by the owner that they would not be allocating any money for advertising, I launched a social media campaign to get the hotel's name out there. I generated a lot of buzz, but it couldn't make the difference in actual dollars spent at the hotel. And then I figured out that the hotel wasn't really there to make the owner money. They didn't even want us to succeed in driving in business. The hotel was a tax write off for the owner's other, very successful companies. I had been mislead from the very beginning. And only making $25,000 a year. I was furious. I quit.
Two weeks later, I had found a new position as an office manager for a locally owned (do you see a pattern here?) medical device company. I really liked it, the company was making great strides with new, innovative products and I received three raises in six months. Then the other shoe fell. The owner had made some hasty business decisions and could not afford me. They could of laid me off, but instead they made up some story about an error I had allegedly made. But they wouldn't allow me to prove my inculpability in the matter (I had emails and documentation that would prove them wrong), they fired me. Later, the owner told me that I did not have the skill set he needed. However, I met all the requirements laid out in my job description. That was the summer of 2010.
Since then, I finished my bachelor's degree and I have been searching for a job. So far, no luck. My job history is terrible. I take responsibility for some of it, but I really got dealt a bad hand. Several times. So what do I do now? Do I doctor my resume? Not only is that illegal, but I can't bring myself to lie. Especially since I didn't do anything wrong. I guess I just have to keep on doing what I'm doing. I know my job history is holding me back, but there's nothing I can do about it. Ideas?
In the summer of 2007, I landed my dream job: Data Manager for one of the largest Meals on Wheels in the country. I finally got my break and got out of retail, which I had been doing for nine years while in high school and college. I found that I was quite skilled at number crunching, conducting data integrity analysis, hitting deadlines early, and not losing sight of the big picture. That big picture being that if the monthly reporting had errors in it, the county could cite us, citations led to loss of funding, and that would result in 3,000 impoverished senior citizens not being able to eat every day. I took my job very seriously.
Unfortunately, I had to resign after a year. At the time, I was engaged to a veteran of the Iraq War. He came home from the Middle East with a serious case of PTSD. His condition caused him to abuse alcohol and ultimately physically abuse me. So in order to protect myself, I resigned from my position and moved to another city so he couldn't find me. I knew I had a great thing going at Meals on Wheels, but I had to get away for my own safety. It was a very scary time.
Fortunately, I landed another job in the non-profit sector within three days of moving here to San Antonio. What great luck. My new position was as a union organizer for a very large labor union. Since I had studied labor unions in a class called the Politics of the Middle Class in college, I was thrilled and jumped at the chance. I learned more about life there than I had ever before. This time I was not behind a desk, but working in the field talking to workers, encouraging them to fight for their rights in jobs where they had no say in what was going on. These workers weren't asking for anything unreasonable. They wanted affordable healthcare for themselves and their families, a fair system of getting raises (there was a lot of nepotism going on), and the right to sit down with their management to discuss the dangers of their jobs to find solutions that would make their jobs safer.
They weren't asking a lot, but to their management it as like asking for the moon. It took a lot of work, a lot of early morning site visits to talk to workers, late night phone calls to discuss how to better their situation, and a lot of boldness on my part. It's difficult to empower a group of people that had been put down in their jobs for decades. Convincing people that had lost all hope that they could make a difference was a challenge. But in the end, the workers came together and were able to save 1/3 of the jobs on the chopping block by asking the company to find these workers jobs in other sector of the company. It was a great win for all of us. When this campaign was coming to a close, however, I was asked to relocate to California, a state that had lots of unions. Texas does not. Not only did I want to continue to fight for workers rights in a place that was so deprived of solutions, I didn't want to leave this city I felt safe in. My family lives here, and having been through such a scary personal ordeal not even six months passed yet, I still needed their support. So I turned down the relocation.
This took place in the beginning of 2009. I started my job search looking for more non-profit work. I couldn't find anything. In fact, the exact same position I had with Meals on Wheels (MOW are all independently run, there is no umbrella organization) was open in San Antonio. But now they required a graduate degree. I hadn't even completed my bachelor's when I was hired as Data Manager before. So I lowered my expectations. I found a recruiting job with a small, family owned employment agency. The pay was considerably lower, but I was happy to be helping people find work. It didn't last long however, the economy had really taken it's toll on the company and I was let go after a month. It was a sad parting, the owner was even in tears when she told me they just couldn't afford me at that time and I really had respect for them. They were great to work for.
So, there I was again on the prowl for a new job. Two weeks later I was hired at the only locally owned hotel in the city as a front desk agent and was quickly promoted to Revenue Manager. My pay was low, but if I could hit my revenue goals I could make a good commission to make up for it. But the economy was sinking lower and no one was going on vacation and business were cutting back on going to conventions. I did not get one single commission check. Having been told by the owner that they would not be allocating any money for advertising, I launched a social media campaign to get the hotel's name out there. I generated a lot of buzz, but it couldn't make the difference in actual dollars spent at the hotel. And then I figured out that the hotel wasn't really there to make the owner money. They didn't even want us to succeed in driving in business. The hotel was a tax write off for the owner's other, very successful companies. I had been mislead from the very beginning. And only making $25,000 a year. I was furious. I quit.
Two weeks later, I had found a new position as an office manager for a locally owned (do you see a pattern here?) medical device company. I really liked it, the company was making great strides with new, innovative products and I received three raises in six months. Then the other shoe fell. The owner had made some hasty business decisions and could not afford me. They could of laid me off, but instead they made up some story about an error I had allegedly made. But they wouldn't allow me to prove my inculpability in the matter (I had emails and documentation that would prove them wrong), they fired me. Later, the owner told me that I did not have the skill set he needed. However, I met all the requirements laid out in my job description. That was the summer of 2010.
Since then, I finished my bachelor's degree and I have been searching for a job. So far, no luck. My job history is terrible. I take responsibility for some of it, but I really got dealt a bad hand. Several times. So what do I do now? Do I doctor my resume? Not only is that illegal, but I can't bring myself to lie. Especially since I didn't do anything wrong. I guess I just have to keep on doing what I'm doing. I know my job history is holding me back, but there's nothing I can do about it. Ideas?
Symptoms of Unemployment
Do you have any of these symptoms? If so, you might be unemployed. It's an affliction affecting a little over 4 million Americans.
- Lower back pain: from hours spent in desk chair searching for jobs, emailing resumes, composing cover letters
- Trouble sleeping: from fear, worry, and wondering what to do next
- Headache: tension headaches from stress
- Dizziness: from the speed at which life is passing you by
- Depression: because life sucks
- Excessive crying: because everything you're trying to do to get another job just ain't working
- Food cravings: stress eating
- Low self-esteem: because after awhile, it seems like all this is happening to you because you must suck
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Fliplife
I have found a solution to the boredom that comes from being unemployed. It's a game called Fliplife where you can choose a career, work, gain money and skills, shop, and buy a house. So far, I live in a tent and I'm a Senior Hack Writer, but you got to start somewhere. This game is great! I get to do all the things I wish I was doing in real life!
This game almost has a placebo effect. I can earn money, get rewarded for hard work, accomplish tasks. It's funny, I seemed to have forgotten how good it feels to finish something. There's satisfaction in knowing you've done something really well. I've spent so much time reflecting on the negative aspects of being unemployed lately. I've forgotten about all the positive attributes of employment. I never realized how much having a job affects your mental well-being.
Sure, work causes stress too. There are evil co-workers to deal with, deadlines, unreasonable clients, and so on. But man, I would be all to happy to put up with all that again if I could just get a job. I miss my schedule and paychecks, but I really miss feeling like I'm good at something.
This game almost has a placebo effect. I can earn money, get rewarded for hard work, accomplish tasks. It's funny, I seemed to have forgotten how good it feels to finish something. There's satisfaction in knowing you've done something really well. I've spent so much time reflecting on the negative aspects of being unemployed lately. I've forgotten about all the positive attributes of employment. I never realized how much having a job affects your mental well-being.
Sure, work causes stress too. There are evil co-workers to deal with, deadlines, unreasonable clients, and so on. But man, I would be all to happy to put up with all that again if I could just get a job. I miss my schedule and paychecks, but I really miss feeling like I'm good at something.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Or Unemployed, Depressed, and Broke
I used to be depressed because I was unemployed. Now I think I might be unemployed because I'm depressed. You know, when you have a job you have the money and health insurance to go to the shrink - but you don't ever have the time. And when you have all the time in the world and really could use a therapist, there's no money or medical insurance. Vicious isn't it?
Trying to figure out just how to attack the unemployment problem is also confusing. Do you get just any job so you can get out of the house? Or do you hold out for something that pays what you're worth and actually interests you? Either way, you're broke. And miserable.
I keep fantasizing about making money in my pajamas while I wait out this down turn. Like a novelist or online poker champion. You can almost see the boredom hang in the air, like smoke in a bar. I wonder if I was ever good at anything sometimes. I know I was, but it seems so long ago now. Everything I've ever endeavored to do, it seems, has met a dead end beyond my control.
Where to now?
Trying to figure out just how to attack the unemployment problem is also confusing. Do you get just any job so you can get out of the house? Or do you hold out for something that pays what you're worth and actually interests you? Either way, you're broke. And miserable.
I keep fantasizing about making money in my pajamas while I wait out this down turn. Like a novelist or online poker champion. You can almost see the boredom hang in the air, like smoke in a bar. I wonder if I was ever good at anything sometimes. I know I was, but it seems so long ago now. Everything I've ever endeavored to do, it seems, has met a dead end beyond my control.
Where to now?
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Friday, July 1, 2011
A Day in The Life of The Unemployed
I usually wake up around ten, and roll over to see if the dog is awake yet. He always is and ready to go outside. So I put some clothes on, find my sunglasses, and follow him around for 15 or 20 minutes. I lure him back into the house with some duck jerky. Then I put my pajamas back on, head for the couch, and try to decide if I'm in the mood for vampires, wizards, or aliens. Lately, its been vampires.
So I spend the better part of the day on the couch watching tv and playing wordfeud on my phone. Sometimes I take a nap. Or I reflect upon how pathetic my life has become and convince myself god is punishing me. And then I remind myself there is no god, perhaps I was a horrible person in a past life. Who knows. All I know is this situation feels like an affliction.
Some days I wake up and don't want to get out of bed at all. I get more and more reclusive as my depression takes a stronger grip. When I finally can't take being cooped up anymore I'll go out to the local watering hole. And I feel worse the next day.
It's confusing, I finally graduated college for nothing. There are no jobs. It seems like a cruel joke. I was already to start something new and there isn't anything to start. Except maybe a load of laundry. My house feels like my asylum.
People keep telling me my luck will change and the perfect job is right around the corner. Please stop saying this to me. I want to burst into tears every time I hear it because nothing is happening. Why is hitting 30 feel like hitting a brick wall?
So I spend the better part of the day on the couch watching tv and playing wordfeud on my phone. Sometimes I take a nap. Or I reflect upon how pathetic my life has become and convince myself god is punishing me. And then I remind myself there is no god, perhaps I was a horrible person in a past life. Who knows. All I know is this situation feels like an affliction.
Some days I wake up and don't want to get out of bed at all. I get more and more reclusive as my depression takes a stronger grip. When I finally can't take being cooped up anymore I'll go out to the local watering hole. And I feel worse the next day.
It's confusing, I finally graduated college for nothing. There are no jobs. It seems like a cruel joke. I was already to start something new and there isn't anything to start. Except maybe a load of laundry. My house feels like my asylum.
People keep telling me my luck will change and the perfect job is right around the corner. Please stop saying this to me. I want to burst into tears every time I hear it because nothing is happening. Why is hitting 30 feel like hitting a brick wall?
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Monday, July 5, 2010
Land of the Free?
Sunday night I watched the fireworks at Randolph AFB here in San Antonio. How American, sitting on a blanket in a baseball field while the wind carried well-known patriotic songs across the field. As the finale came down, I could hear the Star-Spangled Banner and one phrase sort of struck a chord: the land of the free. I don't really feel free, do you?
Perhaps that's a terrible thing to say - after all, my own father is a Vietnam veteran and he suffered a lot because of his time served for this country. However, I can't help but feel locked into some sort of system, a system that works against me. I've done what I was supposed to. I got good grades in high school, went to college...a lot. I can't find a job. I'm hoping that my unemployment goes through and I'll get a check tomorrow, but for now I'm just waiting for something to happen. I've been quite diligent in my job search; job hunting is a relentless task. So far, no dice.
I'm not free. I am held down by credit card debt, by ever increasing bills, and by a job market that has tanked. I'd be lucky to get a job that pays $12 an hour right now. I'm trapped. I couldn't even afford to move to a cheaper apartment! The only thing I have going for me is my decision to go back to school and get more education because trust me, I've looked and the only jobs out there are non-skilled (i.e. poverty level wages) and jobs that require graduate degrees. The middle ground has disappeared along with the middle class.
Who are these richest 1% of Americans that control the rest of us and just who the fuck do they think they are? Democracy my ass. This is slave labor. Minimum wage is still under what economists agree is a living wage. Minimum wage in Texas is $4250 above the federal poverty level for 2010.
When I was a union organizer here in San Antonio I was shocked how many people I came across that couldn't read or write. It was embarrassing for them, but I knew why they were illiterate. It might surprise most people, but our poverty problem still causes 15 and 16 year olds to drop out of school to help the family get make ends meet. Such was the case with these guys.
Although "union" is such a bad word in the South, I think it's the only thing that will save us. I don't mean union as a entity that you pay dues to, but union as a group of people working toward a common goal. Goals such as a strong middle class, closing the gap between the rich and the poor, elevating people from poverty through education.
In business school you learn that to improve production you fix your weakest link in the supply chain. America's weakest link is it's inability to diminish poverty and our selfish nature to just look the other way. We forget that on our Statue of Liberty it is written: "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free." We don't need to look across the ocean for these huddled masses. They are in our own backyard and they want a way out of their slavery.
Perhaps that's a terrible thing to say - after all, my own father is a Vietnam veteran and he suffered a lot because of his time served for this country. However, I can't help but feel locked into some sort of system, a system that works against me. I've done what I was supposed to. I got good grades in high school, went to college...a lot. I can't find a job. I'm hoping that my unemployment goes through and I'll get a check tomorrow, but for now I'm just waiting for something to happen. I've been quite diligent in my job search; job hunting is a relentless task. So far, no dice.
I'm not free. I am held down by credit card debt, by ever increasing bills, and by a job market that has tanked. I'd be lucky to get a job that pays $12 an hour right now. I'm trapped. I couldn't even afford to move to a cheaper apartment! The only thing I have going for me is my decision to go back to school and get more education because trust me, I've looked and the only jobs out there are non-skilled (i.e. poverty level wages) and jobs that require graduate degrees. The middle ground has disappeared along with the middle class.
Who are these richest 1% of Americans that control the rest of us and just who the fuck do they think they are? Democracy my ass. This is slave labor. Minimum wage is still under what economists agree is a living wage. Minimum wage in Texas is $4250 above the federal poverty level for 2010.
When I was a union organizer here in San Antonio I was shocked how many people I came across that couldn't read or write. It was embarrassing for them, but I knew why they were illiterate. It might surprise most people, but our poverty problem still causes 15 and 16 year olds to drop out of school to help the family get make ends meet. Such was the case with these guys.
Although "union" is such a bad word in the South, I think it's the only thing that will save us. I don't mean union as a entity that you pay dues to, but union as a group of people working toward a common goal. Goals such as a strong middle class, closing the gap between the rich and the poor, elevating people from poverty through education.
In business school you learn that to improve production you fix your weakest link in the supply chain. America's weakest link is it's inability to diminish poverty and our selfish nature to just look the other way. We forget that on our Statue of Liberty it is written: "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free." We don't need to look across the ocean for these huddled masses. They are in our own backyard and they want a way out of their slavery.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Is This All There Is?
"That's Life, that's what the people say, you're riding high in April, shot down in May" One of my favorite Sinatra tunes - when it's April that is. Did you know I just turned 29 last month? And I am two classes away from having a degree in Political Science, which I have been putting off since 2007. I've had five jobs in the last 2 1/2 years.
When I was twenty I thought I would be Superwoman by now - career, married, kids. How naive. Is it just me or is this a completely impossible order? Yes, the mood at the moment is self-deprecating, bored, and despairing. Honestly, I feel pretty pissed off that I am starting over yet again. Have I angered the career gods? Is or are there a god(s)? Or is this just a constant flow of meaningless ups and downs?
I guess I've hit an existential crisis and I feel like kicking Sisyphus' ass. This is bullshit. This is not what I signed up for. I'm not asking to be Hilary Clinton or Emma Goldstein or Rosa Rosales. Just please, please throw me a damn bone. Or how about some stability? Long term, not short term. Dependable. Lasting. I don't know whether to cry or throw something.
Ugh, I should have listened to my parents.
When I was twenty I thought I would be Superwoman by now - career, married, kids. How naive. Is it just me or is this a completely impossible order? Yes, the mood at the moment is self-deprecating, bored, and despairing. Honestly, I feel pretty pissed off that I am starting over yet again. Have I angered the career gods? Is or are there a god(s)? Or is this just a constant flow of meaningless ups and downs?
I guess I've hit an existential crisis and I feel like kicking Sisyphus' ass. This is bullshit. This is not what I signed up for. I'm not asking to be Hilary Clinton or Emma Goldstein or Rosa Rosales. Just please, please throw me a damn bone. Or how about some stability? Long term, not short term. Dependable. Lasting. I don't know whether to cry or throw something.
Ugh, I should have listened to my parents.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Here I Go Again On My Own
Can you hear Whitesnake in your head now? Good. Yesterday I got fired or laid off, not really sure which. Needless to say I am again unemployed. I am pissed. However, I have learned some very valuable lessons:
1) If it's too good to be true, it probably is. (i.e. two raises in first four months)
2) CEO's that make hasty decisions are to be avoided, especially if they have a temper. They lack wisdom.
3) Co-workers that get demoted from CFO to your management level don't want you to succeed where they have failed - watch out.
4) Start-ups are iffy.
5) When you see a ton of money going out and nothing coming in, jump ship.
6) Constructive criticism is necessary for the growth of any office. The lack thereof is a huge problem and leads to inefficiency, arguments, and blame.
7) Upper management members being labeled "old school" in regards to email, being able to use their computers for business functions, and the need for a company website is bad news.
So, next time I interview for a position I am planning on grilling my interviewer on the company's training process, business concept, etc. In hindsight, I would never work for this company again and I feel much less upset about the whole situation than I was yesterday.
Luckily, I got a decent severance package so I am not in panic mode taking any job I can get no matter how little it pays. This is how you get trapped into a dead end - and broke to boot. Patience will be my motto as I try to get back into the non-profit sector. In the meantime, I have Netflix, a gym membership, and job alerts sent to my email address to avoid hours scouring the internet which can leave a job seeker feeling like they're getting no where.
I expected to be moping around my apartment in my bathrobe for at least three days in a very depressed state, but I feel pretty confident. I have it better than most and I'm not sleeping on the steps of the Bill Miller's BBQ across the street tonight. It's just frustrating to be in this position again, and so much sooner than I had anticipated. I'll keep you posted.
1) If it's too good to be true, it probably is. (i.e. two raises in first four months)
2) CEO's that make hasty decisions are to be avoided, especially if they have a temper. They lack wisdom.
3) Co-workers that get demoted from CFO to your management level don't want you to succeed where they have failed - watch out.
4) Start-ups are iffy.
5) When you see a ton of money going out and nothing coming in, jump ship.
6) Constructive criticism is necessary for the growth of any office. The lack thereof is a huge problem and leads to inefficiency, arguments, and blame.
7) Upper management members being labeled "old school" in regards to email, being able to use their computers for business functions, and the need for a company website is bad news.
So, next time I interview for a position I am planning on grilling my interviewer on the company's training process, business concept, etc. In hindsight, I would never work for this company again and I feel much less upset about the whole situation than I was yesterday.
Luckily, I got a decent severance package so I am not in panic mode taking any job I can get no matter how little it pays. This is how you get trapped into a dead end - and broke to boot. Patience will be my motto as I try to get back into the non-profit sector. In the meantime, I have Netflix, a gym membership, and job alerts sent to my email address to avoid hours scouring the internet which can leave a job seeker feeling like they're getting no where.
I expected to be moping around my apartment in my bathrobe for at least three days in a very depressed state, but I feel pretty confident. I have it better than most and I'm not sleeping on the steps of the Bill Miller's BBQ across the street tonight. It's just frustrating to be in this position again, and so much sooner than I had anticipated. I'll keep you posted.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Biting the Bullet
So I did it. And I behaved myself. Resignation letter was simple and to the point. Not biting, accusatory, or a good ass kicking. Felt free for maybe an hour. Now faced with unemployment which is not fun. Finding a new job is a full-time job.
I don't know whether I feel disappointed because I put up with sub-par pay for so long when I knew better. Or disappointed that I really poured my heart into the job and got nothing back in return, other than a pat on the back at the company Christmas party.
I'm just disgusted with the greed in this country. The lack of caring we have for other people. We feel no responsibility for our fellow man or our community in general. The shit keeps hitting the fan and we put up with it or ignore it. The Middle Class is disappearing. A family cannot get by on one paycheck like they could in the 1950's. Credit Cards all have us by the balls. Yet we keep getting more of them for some reason.
I'm scared, yet I do not feel regret. I've been up a creek without a paddle before. Too many times in fact, but I'm still here. Still chipping away. Hoping for a break. I weather change a lot better than I have in the past. But I think what's really getting me is the non-appreciation. The hours I spent on my day off making things perfect. The amount of effort I put into that job to get back nothing astounds me.
I wonder if the American Dream exists. Did it ever exist or was it a marketing ploy devised by some Mad Men? As I watch people walking out of the Greyhound bus terminal across from my building and the homeless people that sleep on the street below - I wonder what opportunities they had. What dreams that never took off.
In college I read Alexis de Tocqueville's "Democracy in America". He often described our gregarious sense of individualism. And also being a Texan, I see that here in my home state 200 years later. Our robust individualism has left us without a sense of community. We are a cold, collection of strangers who rarely go out of our way for someone else. We look to the government of congress to fix the mess, but fail to realize we ARE the mess.
So I have sent out 2 dozens resumes over the past 24 hours. We'll see what happens. I have two interviews tomorrow. I am just looking for money in my bank account at the moment. I'm tired - of so many things. Mainly of feeling that the things that matter to me, matter to no one else.
I don't know whether I feel disappointed because I put up with sub-par pay for so long when I knew better. Or disappointed that I really poured my heart into the job and got nothing back in return, other than a pat on the back at the company Christmas party.
I'm just disgusted with the greed in this country. The lack of caring we have for other people. We feel no responsibility for our fellow man or our community in general. The shit keeps hitting the fan and we put up with it or ignore it. The Middle Class is disappearing. A family cannot get by on one paycheck like they could in the 1950's. Credit Cards all have us by the balls. Yet we keep getting more of them for some reason.
I'm scared, yet I do not feel regret. I've been up a creek without a paddle before. Too many times in fact, but I'm still here. Still chipping away. Hoping for a break. I weather change a lot better than I have in the past. But I think what's really getting me is the non-appreciation. The hours I spent on my day off making things perfect. The amount of effort I put into that job to get back nothing astounds me.
I wonder if the American Dream exists. Did it ever exist or was it a marketing ploy devised by some Mad Men? As I watch people walking out of the Greyhound bus terminal across from my building and the homeless people that sleep on the street below - I wonder what opportunities they had. What dreams that never took off.
In college I read Alexis de Tocqueville's "Democracy in America". He often described our gregarious sense of individualism. And also being a Texan, I see that here in my home state 200 years later. Our robust individualism has left us without a sense of community. We are a cold, collection of strangers who rarely go out of our way for someone else. We look to the government of congress to fix the mess, but fail to realize we ARE the mess.
So I have sent out 2 dozens resumes over the past 24 hours. We'll see what happens. I have two interviews tomorrow. I am just looking for money in my bank account at the moment. I'm tired - of so many things. Mainly of feeling that the things that matter to me, matter to no one else.
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