Recently, I went to my first comic convention with my friend Jen and was dismayed, I warn you I know nothing about comics, that Superwoman (or maybe Super-girl) was blond. I actually found one action-figure that had black hair but it was pixie short. I was very disappointed. Every time something in my life goes wrong I ask "Why can't I be Superwoman?"
In my mind, Superwoman can do it all: have the career, the relationship, the family and somehow makes it all work. I guess she's my symbol of feminism, and a little sexier than Rosie the Riveter (admit it, Rosie's a little butch). She's fearless, she doesn't worry about how it's all going to work, she has a plan and a backup plan for everything and if it all falls to pieces she's creative enough to think of a new direction. This is the woman that I want to be.
There's a catch though. I have many women in my life that I look up to because they are brilliant and have had very successful careers. However, these women either lack a significant other or children or both. Therein lies my biggest fear: you can have one or the other but you cannot have both. The defiant bitch in me says "I can do anything I damn well want" and the skeptic agnostic in me says "give me proof". I have no proof, I only see one or the other.
On another note, I have decided to quit banging my head against a brick wall and go back to school, finish my undergrad and get a Masters in Social Work so I can actually land my dream job. This will take 2 1/2 years, which puts my Superwoman plans on hold yet again. And on the other front, let's just say it's been just me and the dog lately.
I should know better. Life never goes according to plan and I have had many examples of that in my life but I can't help but feel disappointed. I don't see any reason why I can't have it all - I just can't figure out how to get it. I know going back to school is a step in the right direction, but it also feels like three steps back. I was annoyed when I was 25 sitting in a class with eighteen and twenty year-olds, now I'm almost thirty.
So I guess I'm one of the faithless waiting for proof that it's is in fact possible to be Superwoman - with long black hair. I don't want to say that's it's easy for men, but it sure seems that the career thing is easier for them. Then again, they don't get maternity leave.
Someday I will have accomplished all of this, and when I do, I am going to go find a Superwoman action-figure with long black hair and put her in my big corner office.