Monday, May 6, 2013

Once In A Lifetime

"You may find yourself living in a shotgun shack 

You may find yourself in another part of the world 
You may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile 
You may find yourself in a beautiful house with a beautiful wife 
You may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?"

Never gave much thought to this song by the Talking Heads until today. The question rings in my head - how did I get here? Ring isn't really the right word, more like clangs like the largest pair of cymbals you've ever seen. So much has happened to me since all hell broke loose on the economy and job market in 2008. My personal life has never been so great having recently gotten married to a wonderful man I adore. But my professional life has been on a steady decline for the past 5 years.

This is very frustrating. I did everything I was supposed to. I went to school, I studied hard. I worked while I went to college, I did an internship, I founded a college special interest group, I got my friends involved in national causes with me, I protested, I cataloged events in photographs, all I wanted to do was impact the world around me and spread awareness about major issues affecting Americans. Everything a political science major could do. I wanted to work in the non-profit sector. I did for a year and a half. I loved it. I haven't been able to get back into it. My current job is so incredibly far from where I aimed, the only thing I have left to be proud of is that I am honest and I put in every effort to be fair despite the deceptive nature of the company I work for. But I look at my life and wonder: how did I get here? This is not my life!

As much as my own predicament bothers me, it's what I see around me that is suffocating, shocking, and disturbing. I have always been drawn to how politics, the public, and non-government groups can affect our American society. In the last six months we have had an elementary school massacre and a terrorist attack. I see billboards in my city advertising guns and gun shows at a volume I ever never seen before. The American Dream my grandparents were able to live seems so unreachable to me it doesn't seem possible it could have ever happened. We are shifting so rapidly from the past and our ideals that the time when things were different, when we had hope, are fading from memory.

I believe life means less to us than it used to. I believe that our history is being skewed in order to fulfill agendas and propagate half-truths. I believe that corporations are now more important than people. I believe we are signing our own death warrant with our ignorance. I believe we have been alienated from our original principles. And I'm starting to believe there is no way out. This is not my life and this is not my country. I do not recognize it anymore.